And When You Left
by FisticusCullen
Summary: Edward left in New Moon, but soon after his dissapearance, Bella notices strange goings-on and her world starts to tip upside down, not in the supernatural way, the human way. He told her to move on, but how can she when he put her in this mess?
1. Hurt, rejection and loss

**Heya guys! I'm new to , but have other documents published on places like Scribd! This story though, is one I'm unsure of, I have been writing it since...December? Last year and I wanted to see what everyone thought of it, so I'm publishing it here before I go ahead and publish it on Scribd. **

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And when you left…

Chapter One

A Bella and Edward Story

By Elisy Lindsey

Preface

The world spins slowly, and when depression, boredom or anger consumes us, the world spins slower. No one knows if this is just a fault in the mind, that when something bad happens, time goes slower.

It has been said that some people want us to live horrible lives of hate and rejection.

And with that, time pulses slower, so there is more time for the emotion to hurt us.

I…for one…believe that life was put here so we could suffer.

I have believed this since he left.

And will forever more…

…Ouch…

Summary, where I am now…and why…

Today was -like any other- a stab in my already scarred chest, like the rusty knife that had been stabbed in my chest ever since Mae died, was being turned slowly, ever fibre of it's painful being, turning, deepening the wound.

I was awoken in the small hours of the morning by the call of rowdy drunks, stumbling down the alleyway where I slept.

I recognised one of the voices, it was Brandy…Brandy Collins, a regular drunk down where I worked, he would often visit me here and scream abuse at me. I would've normally started crying, if I was the old, innocent Bella.

But I was no longer the old, innocent Bella, I was 19 years old, and I was strong and resistant, I took the words and punches like it was normal, I took them the same way someone would breath.

I'd had pain, much, much worse…

Edward had left me shortly after my 18th birthday party, claiming his world was too dangerous for me, but I could tell he didn't want me anymore, I was just a plain human he didn't want to have to bother saving every single second of every single day. But here's the thing, I didn't need saving from the kind of people I hung around with daily, the kind I served as a customer, I needed saving from myself. Bella, the danger magnet.

Despite now being, the big, stand-up-for-herself Bella. I still had my clumsiness intact. And as I stumbled away from the now too-hard punches being thrown at me by Brandy and his rowdy friends, I tripped, falling flat on my face, my leg was bleeding, might I mention, _again_…

Ron wouldn't be happy when I got to work, with my bruises and cuts he'd complain that I wasn't keeping up performances anymore.

With falling on my face, I had knocked myself unconscious and, despite being knocked out cold, heard Brandy and his mates retreat, worried they'd killed me, HA, I'd have to pull this one on them when they try this again.

My head hurt, and memories came flooding back to me, I remembered getting home from school, the first day I'd gone back. And I'd came home…

I'd barely made it through the day, everyone had stared at my red rimmed eyes, that still burnt from my secret crying session in the rest room. That I guessed was no longer secret.

I had sat down at the Cullen's regular table, it was abandoned, as it would be from now on. I felt Lauren's eyes burn holes in me, glaring from across the room with an expression on her face that said, I-told-you-so. If Edward had been with me that moment, he'd have growled at Lauren and given her a glare that said, take-your-eyes-of-her-or-I'll-kill-you. But why would he? Why should he?

The worst lesson of the day was probably Biology, where I'd felt so horrible about sitting next to the space where he'd usually sit, the space where we first met, the space where we'd stare into each other's eyes with awe.

I'd tried to steer my mind away from the empty space, but it had seemed to stare at me, with a continuous pull for me to turn and look to find him. But I knew, no matter how far out of hand my imagination got, he would never sit in that same seat…again.

With memories in my head, of how tangled up with being in love that I'd got, I'd forgotten the pain I was inflicting him. The burn in his throat where he'd feel like he was inhaling flames. And I started to think more closely to our relationship, every time we'd touched, every time we'd kissed. Like an electric pulse was flowing through our bodies, intertwining us for the rest of forever.

And suddenly, I felt sick, very sick, I missed him so much that these mental memories had led to a physical reaction.

I had ran out of the room with my hand over my mouth, my red backpack slung over my shoulder, to the girls toilets where I was sick.

Two tarts, who were applying mascara at the time, took one look at me retching into the toilet before leaving and gossiping.

When I seemed empty, when nothing could come out, because there was nothing left in me, I shut the toilet seat and sat on it, crying, again. When was I going to get over him? _Never_, my mind whispered.

As soon as I'd finished wiping my eyes clean of evidence, I went to the office and signed out, Ms. Cope was there. She had also liked the Cullen's and knew from my close relationship with Edward, that I missed him terribly. She took one look at my face, red from blotching tissues, before giving me a sympathetic smile and writing down my name on the OUT list.

The drive home was rather long, and for that, I was pleased. Ever since he'd left, I'd enjoyed alone time.

No one could see. No one could judge. And no one could react.

I could hardly see out of my own eyes, because as soon as I was in my red, rusty truck, my bag thrown down on the passenger seat, where he'd sat, and the engine revving, a fresh stream of tears, layered and stained my face.

Charlie was in when I got home, a first for me because Charlie wasn't usually back until about an hour after I'd get back from school.

He was still worried for me. And deeply upset for my loss, not because he missed Edward, but because it had hurt me.

He was laying down on the sofa, staring at the game on TV with a triumphant grin on his face.

He turned in my direction when he heard the door close behind me.

"You're back early Bells?" He said it as if it was a question. I let the tears be my answer, he looked down.

"You'll never guess what though?" He smiled, and I tried to sound enthusiastic with my answer. "What dad? What's happened?"

"I have just made the biggest breakthrough in my entire career!" He was jumping up and down with excitement.

"Well, what is it?" I called as I threw my bag down by the door and started to head towards the kitchen to get a drink. He followed, not at all affected by my mood.

"You know that drug gang, that one which has been terrorising Forks?" I didn't know, but nodded anyway.

"Well, I…Chief Swan of the police department of Forks, has discovered a very small clue and dug into a very complicated and detailed investigation, only to find our leads to where the low-lives were hiding! I have uncovered them, the boys at the office gave me the rest of the day off!" He was ecstatic as I tipped the remains of water in my cup down the sink, and placed the cup on the draining board.

"Hey, congratulations dad!" I smiled, and enclosed him in an awkward hug.

We stood in silence for a few moments after we retracted from the hug. When Charlie started shuffling his feet impatiently, wanting to get back to his game, but not wanting to abandon me in the kitchen, I sighed, and gave a quick excuse, "I've got homework to do, I'm just gonna go upstairs and uh…yeah." We left the room in the same awkwardness.

Truth being I had no homework, I always needed something to keep my mind off him and I'd completed my homework all too quickly. I had done all my chores plus everything else. I no longer read or listened to music, I avoided anything that reminded me of him.

Every night I'd cry myself to sleep and wake up screaming, from the same nightmare, you would've thought the dream would've got boring after hearing and seeing it every night. You'd think I'd expect it…and I did, but the nightmare was just so real and overpowering that it scared me more than I'd expect.

Charlie had stopped coming into my room to wake me about a month after the screaming started. I felt almost as sorry for him as I did myself, he probably got very little sleep. More than me though…

Then there was that day I came home from school and this terrible nightmare that I am now presently living in, started.

I had walked into the room, where Charlie would usually be watching baseball or some other ridiculous boy sport.

But when I entered the room, Charlie wasn't there.

I called his name several times over, and worry started creeping over me, and scaring me. What if? What if? My mind thought of over one hundred reasonable explanations for his disappearance, but I didn't pay attention to their thoughts.

I called his name again, as I turned into the kitchen, I gasped, and started screaming.

Charlie was here alright, but not in spirit. He was lying, sprawled on the floor, a pool of blood surrounded his head. And…

I won't describe the rest, it was horrible, terrible, one of the two worst things to ever happen to me, the other thing occurring only a month ago.

I was terrified, shaking, my teeth chattering.

The neighbours had heard my scream and had called the police…the police where they would be one man down.

Maureen, the neighbour with the pretty garden, with bright flowers overflowing plant pots, was the first to run into the room and find me, crawled up in a corner across from Charlie's body, my arms hugging my legs together.

As soon as she'd seen Charlie in the corner she'd screamed as well, but saw me whimpering in the corner, the tears stuck in my eyes. She had cuddled up to me, holding me.

And that's when the police, the ambulance and the crowd arrived.

Police took me to the station, where they gave me a blanket and tea. I was interviewed by a very stout and impatient woman, she made me feel very guilty, despite not committing the crime, and also extremely insecure.

When they had cleared me innocent from the interview, I felt calmer. I was left in the corridor, on hard plastic chairs. The secretary gave me a smile, looking up momentarily from her work when she caught my gaze.

But then I considered my future, I couldn't go home! I had no money, I had no job! After quitting Newton's hiking and camping store after my wave of depression, I was sure they'd never want me back and I had no way to contact Renée…or Phil, they'd already been put into hiding after discovering a lead toward the drug gang Charlie had cracked the day before. The gangs were after to kill Charlie and anything he loved after he put half of them in jail. The other half, furious, had gone and brutally murdered him.

I, again, felt the reeling sickness of rejection and loss roll through me as I knew I would never see my two favourite boys in the world, ever again.

It stirred my stomach like a witch's bile and made me jump to my feet, my eyes searched desperately for the ladies sign, and eventually, I found it. I made a dash for the toilet, just in time to be sick again. I started crying again. Again and again, that's all it seemed to be like, again and again. But I didn't think I'd lived through this exactly in the past, so how could it feel like life was repeating itself?

Rejection and loss, the two words stabbed me…but I lived, unfortunately.

No one wanted me, and if I was going to survive, I needed food…and money, and without a second thought, I had dashed out of the police station. Home, where people were doing forensics, but I didn't give a shit. I walked straight through the police tape which surrounded the house, opened the door and walked slowly upstairs, grabbing clothes and a wash kit and a sock of money, I piled everything essential into a small bag, which I flung over my shoulder and started to walk out.

I had walked and walked and walked. My legs became tired, and so I found an alleyway to rest in. It was directly beneath a road light, so I don't know why I was expecting NOT to be seen.

I had dozed off somewhere between 1am and 2.

And woke with a start when a shadow crossed me. There was a man leaning over me, a concerned expression on his face.

He had a stubble and dark brunette hair, combed back into a slick backwards comb. He smiled when my eyelids fluttered open.

"Hey you?" He smiled "You've been asleep for a while, I kind of wondered if you where dead or something." He laughed.

"What? Who are you?" My mind and thoughts were scattered everywhere and everything was uncomfortably disorientating.

"You lost? You homeless?" He asked, there was something strange about him, like a strange warning that told me to stay away from him.

"Yeah," I said, answering his questions in one word. He raised his eyebrows, smiling, I knew this type of man, and Edward had saved me from his kind in Port Angeles.

"You wanna come with me? I got a place you can work and live?"

A voice inside me was screaming, NO, HE'S BAD, STAY AWAY! But this was the same voice that told me that Edward loved me, so I just ignored the voice. I smiled up at the overly kind man, and he held out a hand to lift me up.


	2. Memories

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2. Memories

The pictures in my mind were slowly fading and I knew that I was, unfortunately, drifting back to consciousness.

"Bella? Bella?" A frantic voice called from the open end of the alleyway, "Oh Bella!" Caitlin gasped as she spotted me, sprawled on the floor, with my scratched face on the concrete.

She ran towards me when I moaned in pain while trying to roll over and get up, she hushed me gently, pulling my up onto her lap where I curled up into a ball and cried.

"This wasn't Brandy again, was it?" She asked, for this wasn't the first time, I nodded gently then winced as her hug tightened on fist shape bruises that were inflicted from my boss from last night.

Caitlin was a 25 year old women, with which I worked, she was like a mother to me and all the other girls, she was kind and sweet and also rather attractive with her red hair and brown eyes, that's why Ron got her.

Ron was a 40 year old man, who owned a club called 'The Blue Moon'.

When he found me, he hadn't been acting out of kindness, he'd been recruiting.

He'd taken me to Illinois, Chicago.

He was right, there was a job, and there was a place for me to live and he was all very kind about it. He gave me a room above the club and told me that rent was $50 a month.

I was unsure about this, I didn't have a job…or any, well, enough money to pay him at all and I knew that I'd have to pay in some way.

He smiled at my worried expression before explaining what my new job was.

I was to work as a stripper, downstairs in the club where men had fights and tried to stick dollar notes down your pants.

I was reluctant at first, but when he introduced me to the other girls, well, they all seemed happy enough. So I agreed. Little did I know it was all an act.

Shortly after, I had the surprise of my life…but I try not to dwell on that subject.

Things went well with my…er…job. It was horrible, terrible, the men down by the bar who leered and cheered as I piece by piece removed my clothing to music, were much too drunk to stumble down by the foot of the stage to bother me. And other men who came for their birthday sat obediently by their wives, with a frown on their face.

The pay was also pretty crap.

Despite those facts, I had somehow managed to make Ron only make me do one strip performance a night unlike the rest of the girls who sometimes had to do up to five!

I had discovered I had a talent for singing after I had been cleaning my room one day and Ron had walked past, listening to me sing as I washed my sheets from my bed. He had me try out a few pop songs and was delighted to find I could sing amazingly well.

I only had to do two performances a night from now on, one strip and one sing.

Soon after my performances had become routine to me, came the night when Ron had knocked on my door, demanding rent.

"NOW" he screamed, so high pitched that my ear drums started to hurt. "GIVE ME MY RENT NOW, OR I'LL KICK YOUR FACE IN!"

"Ron, I'm sorry, you know I don't have it on me. I gave you all my money from work last month, I've been living on stale bread so I could pay it." I answered, my voice unsurprisingly shaky.

"Oh, moan, moan, moan!" He cried sarcastically in a poor impression of my voice, "I DON'T GIVE A MONKEY'S IF YOU'VE EATEN ANYTHING OR NOT, NOW. GIVE. ME. MY. RENT!" His face was now tomato red and if it could've, steam would've been flowing out his ears.

"I-" I had started to speak but was cut off by a furious punch from Ron. His mood was bad, I'd seen him loose control on other girls as well, and I'd seen the damage. I winced at the memory. Knowing I was next for his torture.

His punch threw me onto the ground, I was lying there curling up as he repeatedly kicked my back, "You're just like the rest of 'em." He called as hit my head, "Worthless little sluts, prancing about on stage for a tiny bit of money." He'd growled. "Now get up and move out, you're being kicked out, you worthless piece of junk!"

I was motionless, I was knocked unconscious by his blow and whole body ached like I'd just been hit by a bulldozer.

I was sure my nose was broken as I felt the crooked joints in my nose move when he kicked me, checking if I was still alive. When I didn't respond to his touch, he started panicking.

I felt him carry me down to the foot of the stairs where he set me down in an awkward position. I then heard him on the phone, calling an ambulance, saying I had fallen down the stairs and needed help, quickly.

Time seemed to go faster when I was in my dream world. And before I knew it, there were sirens screaming outside the door and Ron's frantic panicky voice explaining that I'd been like this when he'd found me. Liar, I sneered to myself, Dirty, stinking, cheap, liar.

I was rushed to A&E where they treated my cuts and bruises and reset my nose.

Ron had come to visit me and told me this:

"I am so sorry, Bella! Let me make it up to you, I'll give you a free month in the room, I'll give you anything within my power, just please, ask me?" he'd begged with such will that I thought it would be cruel to say no. But I wanted nothing from this dirty, scheming, beast. And if I accepted another invite to live in that room then when it was time to pay the rent again, there'd only be a repeat.

My thoughts were horrible, mean and spiteful, but I answered in a sweet and innocent voice, "Oh, Ron, you don't have to do anything for me. You were right, I am a silly cow, and I should've thought about paying the rent before giving myself luxuries." This was said without sarcasm, but he seemed to know the reason why I wouldn't accept anything from him and his mood quickly changed.

"And if you ever tell them what really happened," He sneered, "Then you'll pay, pay big time!" And he'd left the room.

They discharged me from the hospital a week later, and soon I went back to work, I had nowhere to live, but I had other problems on my mind, worse ones, much worse…

I was considered Ron's 'prize'. Because I was the prettiest, the most talented and the most popular, I was his 'prize', because I earned him a lot of money. Men from all over Chicago came to see me, Ron even set up my own night for me, Friday night was called, 'Bell of the Ball'. Like Bella of the ball, but…anyway, it was his pun!

I would do several sing performances and a few strips.

I never, ever enjoyed it, neither did any of other girls enjoy it either.

Sometimes Ron would beat me, any random time for any random reason and it hurt, hurt a lot, especially when his punches hit old bruises.

I was told by him that I was ugly and should cover up my ugly, bruised skin with foundation and concealer and I did, because otherwise it might displease the customers.

Edward was on my mind a lot of the time, especially that hard period of time just 6 months ago when Mae died.

I guess you don't really know who Mae is, but…I don't like to talk about it.

I loved Edward more than anything and it still hurt when I thought about him, but the physical pain was worse.

I no longer wanted Edward, he didn't deserve me, I was rotten and horrible, why should he want me? I sometimes wondered if he did still love me, if he knew about Mae and me. He probably did and that's why, after all the pain I've been through, he's been avoiding me.

I knew it hurt him to see me in pain, but what would he care now?

I was used goods, as Ron had called it, after…the…the rape. Ron had raped me, but it was no big deal, he had done so to most of the girls here already and he didn't have patience for criers.

That time Ron had raped me was only 5 months ago and I remembered it like yesterday, but the memory made me shudder and cringe.

I missed Edward and longed for him to awake me from this never-ending nightmare. But he hasn't done so and as he hasn't come to see me here at this dump, so I guess no one is coming to rescue me. Maybe Alice would see the future, see me dead after one of Ron's overly hard beatings and maybe they'd come to my funeral, but they might be too angered with me to even bother, so I did not dare get my hopes up.

Since he'd left and Mae died, the pain flooding through me had become too much and somehow it had to come out, several times already, I'd slit my wrists, on both arms, and the physical pain I got from that was a relief to the mental pain.


End file.
